


All my questions

by Emrys89



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abusive Parents, Domestic Violence, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-09-29 20:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20442350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emrys89/pseuds/Emrys89
Summary: Just an original piece. Beware of the tags and warnings. Deals with heavy subject.





	All my questions

**Author's Note:**

> Warning:
> 
> This deals with domestic abuse. I would suggest you dont read this if you are sensitive to the subject. 
> 
> Remember also that domestic abuse isn't as clear cut as movies or stories make it out to be.
> 
> But always remember to take care of yourself.

It didn't happen so often. But back then I had a temper as a child. Still do but I've gotten better at controlling it. I know when to step back and take my anger out on something else. I control my bodys response to anger and I dont let it hurt anyone. 

But as a child I would often get angry. I would yell, scream and sometimes throw stuff or slam the doors. And sometimes my angry scream would be enough to trigger my dad. 

When he got angry you felt it. I obviously got scared and if he reached me before I got away then he would grab me, pulling me by my hair if I resisted. 

If I somehow managed to get away I would lock myself in my bedroom.The day I found the key that locked my door I was so happy. His fists would beat at the door. Enough that I was scared he would break in. Mom always got him calm again. Mostly by getting him to do other things.  
She would then ask me to come out. But I soon learned that while my dad had scared me I wasn't ever gonna get an apology for that. It was always my fault for triggering him. It was all my fault and even if I screamed and got angry at the end I would always need to apologise for losing my temper. 

I learned quickly to never anger my dad. Just comply with him. Just bend down and don't argue with him. Act like he's always right. Don't get in a discussion with him. 

He never as far as I knew went after my brother nor my mother. I was always the only one he beat and hit. Back then I didnt think this was odd, but as I'm now grown up I cant help but wonder why just me.

One day I got angry again. 

I dont know over what or why i was angry. I was a teenager at that time so maybe something stupid or maybe it was just anger at something not working. But I screamed and dad grabbed me. 

He started really hitting me. Beating me over the head. I dont know what I was thinking back then but I was so angry I started hitting back. Screaming as I send the hits back.

I finally did it. I had always been to scared and had always run away before. But this time I hit him back. 

I think he was surprised because he backed up and I screamed at him. I told him that if he wanted to fight I would give him just as many hits back. He stopped. I stopped. He didn't ever raise his hand against me.

When I was 26 years old I finally ask my mom if dad had ever hit her or my brother. She said no. He never did. 

I dont know why it was me that got the hits. I dont know why he felt I deserved it more than anyone else in the family. I admit that, while I was happy my mom hadn't been beaten nor my baby brother, I still could help but feel betrayed. Why was I so wrong that they felt it was okay. Why did my mom never take me away from him. Why did he never apologise for doing that to me?

Was I wrong all that time? Was it my fault because I couldn't help but get angry sometimes?

I may never know because I don't want to ask him. If I did he would just tell me I was making it up. Even if I got my mom to second my story he would refuse to believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please take care of you.


End file.
